Latest news from the “Roasting Cow” Arena (time to start anonymously rumour inventing names for the venue) is the addition of some winding handles. You have to bear in mind that Cow Roast derives from Cow Rest, it being a resting place for cows as drovers took them to market. In this respect the term is cow friendly and does not imply any pain or suffering upon the referenced imaginary cow.

Anyway, an anonymous source was overheard saying to someone else even more anonymous “When you say ‘just hook it on’, what exactly do you mean?”. Said person was doing a good job of keeping calm whilst conveying what sounded like a certain amount of interest in the assigned task, which appeared to be installing a wire across the halfway line, presumably to hold up a dividing net. I am not sure how this will be used to divide the pitch into three, perhaps it will not. Much is yet to be discovered. The wire, or wires, were spotted on the opposite side of the pitch to the winding handles and therein lay the challenge.

Other anonymous workers were busily carrying out what looked like a final inspection of the perimeter fence. They occasionally paused to spray what looked like green paint onto points of particular interest to them. All this under the unexpected duress of an Eskie woofing at them as if they were wheelbarrows. She woofs at wheelbarrows but we know not why - they never woof back.

Much to Eskie’s delight there is still a total absence of “No Dogs” sign. Much to my delight there is now an extensive list of instructions, one of which is “do not allow animals on the pitch”. It is unclear as to whether this refers to the green bit, the blue bits or both, but it seems that both Eskie and the cow referred to earlier will have to undertake their resting on the anonymous mound.

Talking of resting, anyone requiring a rest during, before or after a game can now do so in the rather flash looking “Panoramic Team Shelters”, which I am assured have been “ specially designed with curved sideframes designed to improve players' views of the pitch”. I am not quite sure how a transparent back helps players view the pitch but that is a matter for others to figure out. They look rather splendid and, according to my compass and meteorological investigations, face away from the prevailing weather. This means that persons in the shelters will have a panoramic view of the driving rain as it hammers into the faces of the players on the pitch desperately seeking a keen volunteer to take their place.

Photos of most of the items mentioned are available in the Astro Build album, even though it’s not an Astro.

The outer perimeter fence is now a pile of fence panels so I am pleased to report my first circumnavigation of the pitch. I heartily recommend that you go up there and have a look, it’s fantastic. Talking of which, a couple of the smartest containers I have ever seen have appeared, in my favourite colour which is an approximation of British Racing Green. Well, they are green and we can debate the shade later. I am not sure whether they are to be permanent residents but am pleased to note that they have an “advanced ventilation system”. They certainly look like newly acquired storage boxes. Anonymous sources have suggested that there will be storage pitchside for all our cones, balls and dead keeper kit and further anonymous sources have expressed a desire to be able to open and close said storage without the need for brute force, so we are hoping to see the end of the current containers on the “tennis court”.

Talking of which, the tennis court will somehow transform into a car park, according to an anonymous source, or possibly wishful thinking. Yes, we have a tennis court by the way.

The latest despatch from the official rumour control reports that “partial handover” is due on 7 July. I am not sure which parts or how they will be handed over but would be very keen to be present with my camera so if anyone knows please let Eskie know.

I am running out of things to report on - a relief to all, no doubt. There will be test games on the astro soon via some form of willing test subject volunteer programme so keep an eye on all channels for news of this. We will need to get some goals into the Roasting Cow Arena first, and I am trying to discover their origin, net colour, backboard acoustic properties etc for you.