After we had finished getting the popcorn out for the rather provocative new movie: ‘3/4s friendly’ (an eyebrow-raising action-packed cinematic spectacle with bodies, words and cards flying all over the show), we were treated to a very rigorous army-style warm-up led by the exclusive Tom Vila (Jason you have competition). I was half-expecting some barbed wire to suddenly be rolled out to crawl beneath, but I must say, it was quite successful… with none of the oldies putting their backs out pre-game. Although, Barron was most definitely not at risk of putting anything out - sadistically watching us from his car with a cigarette hanging out of his chops. He always tells us that if he moves during the warm-up, then he will not be able to move during the game. But we all know this not to be true… for he does not move during either. He just stands on the back-post looking… pretty? Therefore, after the gruelling slog of bear-crawls, burpees and press-ups, along with a couple of trips to the port-a-loo (do not ask about what on earth goes on in there, as I can assure you, you do not want to know) we were ready to go. After a short team talk, the weird ‘masculine’ thing we do when we put all of our sticks together and shout ‘1,2,3… Lions’ at the top of our voice (in the spirit of an American cheerleading team), and a discussion about how we were going to manage having three people called Tom on our team (come on parents, there must be some more interesting names to choose from?) the whistle went to begin the match. We started off strong in our new formation for the season. Tom Ayres was our new signing, back after a sore hip (excuse me, how old are you?), and along with Tom Kenny, they both continued to consolidate their positions in the team with intelligent distribution, precise passes and a youthful thirst for the ball. We are lucky to have them. The team played calmly, but with a definitive focus, and were rewarded with a goal (a cheeky set-up by Gareth followed by a magic touch from Barron that dribbled onto the backboard). We also saw some defiant strength and clean tackles from Paul, and some wonderful intercepts and clearances from Jamie. And Dave, well, we were all in awe about the defender who managed to beat eight players on the pitch, all to just shamelessly whack the ball wide of the goal. The keeper did not see the ball, but only because the ball was so far above his head, he didn’t have a chance. But overall, we had a very consistent and strong back three (they need to be, because being old usually does not coincide with being fast). Matt almost ran a marathon throughout the game, opening spaces up for some beautiful passes through the opposition’s midfield (we will ignore the not-so-subtle attempt to lob the keeper, which was so high, that it almost went over the fence and hit Jamie’s car on the other side). This earned Matt a rightful DOD. After the first half, it was 1-0 to BHHHC. This gave us the confidence going into the final half. Pete demonstrated his brute strength and power with some wonder crosses across the goal (but unfortunately with nobody to receive them). But all of the sudden, a gap in the opposition’s defence was found, with the reliable Tupper (back from his demotion) spotting Theo’s banana run (or something like that) into the D, and hitting the ball smoothly to Theo (Tupper only ever does things in style), who received the ball near the baseline, and after driving it towards the goal, and shutting his eyes out of blind hope, his push pass (we all know that Theo cannot hit to save his life) slotted past the goalie. 2-0. We do not know who was more shocked about the goal, us, or Theo himself. This earned him MOM and a delightful antique Wind in the Willows plate from Tupper’s loft. Anyways, know that my goal has been mentioned at this stage in the match report, and since I’m pissing off to uni anyways, I’m going to wrap up the match report (maybe I have now developed the ego of attackers, where they score only one goal and think that their job is finished). Tom Vila worked like a Trojan as per usual, and Jay worked hard to maintain the clean sheet and made some well-needed saves. Plus, with another stoke of luck (or skill?) Barron actually managed to score a very sexy goal (if I do say so myself) with a hit that rose gracefully into the back net. And with that, the game ended 3-0. Well done chaps.