Arsenal Spurs. City United. Even Celtic Rangers. All classic derbies, sure. But is there really so much at stake, when in each, one side is man for man, clearly the better line up? Perhaps the greatest derby of all is India vs Pakistan; but Suryakumar Yadav, the Indian captain, is on record as saying he didn’t see it as a rivalry anymore, such is India’s dominance.
So what, then, to make of the ultimate local derby, the intra-club league game?
On paper, surely, it’s no rivalry. The 3s, all bravado and swagger, chests forward. Man for man, the better side. All the more so since a deadline-day transfer coup saw the joint men-of-the-match from last week’s win at Witney swap 4s white for 3s red.
And yet… and yet… man for man better, sure. But are they really the better team?
The 4s were out a full hour before the game; the half-court press firmly impressed into the collective psyche. Short corner routines running like clockwork, the ball pinging sweetly stick to stick in the warm-up. The 3s straggle in, one by one. Perhaps they just don’t need the practice time. But the 4s look like a team.
So to the push-back. The 4s looks solid; the Old Firm of Chris Baker, Tiggs, Nigel and skipper Lunn forming a resolute wall across the back. Hin, Manny and Larry, the belt across the middle; and Ricky flanked by the two young guns Benjy and Elliot up front. James L, Paul and Maccon provide the rolling bench strength.
We’re off… and the press is in place. The 3s knock the ball sideways, back, sideways again; but there is no way through and eventually it skews off a red stick into touch. Rinse, repeat, for the first 10 minutes; and, periodically, for the entire game. The 4s are unruffled, in control. On the other side of the pitch tempers fray, faces matching the red shirts as frustrations pile up.
A quick break. Whites pile forwards… a whistle and the umpires arms point goalwards. Anyone who had seen the three goals last week knows what’s coming, and sure enough, a crisp injection is met with a shot like the crack of doom from Lunny; the echo from the backboard still sweeps around Cow Roast.
Stung into action, the threes sweep forwards. A short of their own, and Matt Hyde rolls back the years with an unstoppable hit for the equaliser. Still though the white shirts hold firm, Hin shuffling across the pitch to deny any red space; Tiggs and Nigel initiate raids deep into the 3s 22; Paul is a constant, marauding threat; and the pace of Maccon and Elliot is stretching the back line. A couple of nudges on Larry win another short – close, close, close. But we go in at 1-1.
Switching round at half time, the 4s are straight back into their rhythm; James is finding space down the left, and Benjy is a constant threat on the wing. And then, a moment of individual brilliance; Ricky picks up the ball in his own half and Grant provides a handy crutch as he gallops the length of the pitch. Seeing Haydn moving to cover the pass inside, he slips the ball in at the near post. Euphoria from the ever-growing crowd, and a well deserved roll-off break for a breathless Ricky.
Gaps open up as the players tire. Chis Byham is heroic, barreling off his line to save from Robbo – and when he is beaten, near namesake Chris Baker is there to scoop it off the line. One attack too many sees Mike slip a shot through the defence, though, and Steve is there for the final touch.
There are no thoughts of settling for 2-2, for either team. Resolute defence keeps the reds out, and Manny is still full of running and orchestrates a series of attacks; but the clock eventually runs down. A point each, and while both sides might consider it two dropped, it is a fair result.
The debriefs go deep into the afternoon. Ricky is MoM – on previous evidence that probably makes him a 3s player next week. Chris Baker is rather unfortunate to be judged DotD for his green card; Hin “what time do you call this”, Manny “no-shoes” or Larry “green-socks” might consider themselves lucky.
Let’s fast forward to 17 January, 2026. There are a few games to go until then, but the next instalment of Berko vs Berko is already looking box office. A derby – a rivalry – and potentially a clash between promotions candidates…